We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm really busy with my period
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