Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
