sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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