I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize