Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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