I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
