My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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