I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
