Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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