i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
