im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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