So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
