never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
