My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
