You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
