the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
