I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
