THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
