if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize