I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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