You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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