xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
