He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
