K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
