We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize