Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
