I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
