Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize