i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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