She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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