my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
