you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
