great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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