I look better un-naked...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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