dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
