Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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