in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
