So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
