at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
