Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize