If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
