he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is Oprah even human
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
