nut hugger
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
