just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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