i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
