I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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