Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
