Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
