Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
