just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
