I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
