Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i think my mom watched the whole time
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
