her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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