I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize