I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
