You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
