He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
