girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
