Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize