So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
