Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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