i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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