She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize