I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
