ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
