barbara walters just said penis...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
