when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
