Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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