At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
