Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
