I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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