I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
